Faithfully Driven
“When you're a kid, you... you see the life you want and it never crosses your mind that it's not gonna turn out that way.” ~Monica Wright, Love & Basketball
June 27, 2008. 400 hurdles Round 1. Heat 4, lane 6. The race that I had dreamed about as a child. I was in the best shape of my life. I had sacrificed school and social life, all to pursue one of my childhood goals. I didn’t miss one day of practice or cheat on one rep in the weight room, and I HATED weights in college. I even skipped Pac-10 Championships so that I would be well rested for this race. The race that would lead to THE RACE. I had never been more ready for a meet in my life. Everything I’ve every wanted was about to happen. There was no doubt in my mind that things would not turn out as planned. There was no doubt in my mind that I wouldn’t only run a fast time, but that I would be moving on to the second round of the Olympic Trials. I couldn’t have been more wrong…
All my life I’ve wanted to be an Olympic gold medalist. I started running track when I was 2 years old. I started club track when I was six and I made my presence known in my first season. I was very talented, but I always worked hard and that translated into wins. Things usually worked out in my favor. By high school I made up my mind that I would accomplish two things: become a lawyer and earn an Olympic Gold Medal. It never crossed my mind how hard or rare it is to be an African American lawyer let alone an Olympic gold medalist, but somewhere in my mid twenties I realized that there’s a chance that I would fall short on both goals that seemed so attainable as a kid.
Fast-forward back to THAT RACE. I got out and led over the first 6 hurdles. I felt really good, but it was windy in Oregon so I decided to play it safe, after all it was just the first round. I took 16 steps, instead of 15 into hurdle 7. No big deal, I had won my first title on that step pattern; there was no reason it would be an issue. But somewhere between my thoughts about taking that 16th step and the split second that followed I found myself on the ground. How did this happen? How could this happen? Thoughts raced through my mind as I got up and finished the race well behind everyone else. I cry now just thinking about it. It was the worst feeling I had ever felt in my life, by far. For that I should be grateful, because life could be a lot worse. But I can’ t lie, it hurt and it still hurts.
Needless to say I cried. I never cry, ever, but the tears came so quick and I was in so much pain that there was nothing I could do. I had waited all my life for that opportunity, an opportunity most people can’t even dream-of because it’s so astounding and far fetched. And it was gone after the first round, and I had no clue why or even how it happened. At that very moment in my life I began to doubt myself. This doubt wasn’t because of fear, or whether it would be too hard, but at some point I started to think to myself, “Maybe this wasn’t in the cards that were dealt for me.” I had done everything right, I trained hard, I was dedicated and I’m talented. Deep down I wondered whether my goals were a part of God’s will or not?
Scared of the answer to that question, I just avoided it completely. I’m sure you’ve been in a situation very similar where, you worked so hard to achieve something and for days, weeks, months and years everything was falling into place and you knew it would happen, but all of a sudden things just begin to fall apart for no reason, and you’re forced to think that maybe it’s not meant for you. It’s really hard to push through random adversity and not think that it’s a sign from God telling you to go in a different direction. But that’s the thing; no matter how hard things get, a rough patch doesn’t mean its over. The different direction doesn’t mean the goal isn’t for you, it may just mean that you’ve got to alter your way of reaching the goal. It’s during these times where God is most likely preparing you for something great.
I know, I know…this is a sermon we’ve all heard before, but I find that most people still struggle with accepting it when it happens. I know I did, as I struggled to return to winning ways after falling in 2008. I started to worry that everything I wanted I just might not get. So I stopped putting so much into track because the idea that it could be taken away became real to me. The idea that I didn’t have control of what will happen in the future started to sink in. And it was this mindset that made the next four-years of my life some of the most miserable experiences yet very valuable learning experiences ever.
Now almost 8 years later I’m preparing myself not only for another Olympic Trials but I’m also preparing to sit for the Pennsylvania Bar. And this time I’m not nearly as physically ready as I was in 2008, but I’ve never been more confident that I was in the right place and living out God’s will, more than I am now. So over the next year I’ll be sharing with you my journey as I do what most don’t….all things I said I would as a kid. Welcome to my blog…Faithfully Driven.
